July????

Is it really July?

July!

It can't be...my calendar must be wrong...but no...yesterday was Canada Day which is always July 1st and has been for a long time now!

Oh my...it is July!

6 months of 2009 have already passed....ugh! 6 months until we hit 2010...Double ugh!

Where did the time go?

It seems...looking back...that it went by very quickly.

But as I sit here typing this post...I know that each day of the last 6 months felt like an eternity.

I see the summer (or what is left of it) ahead of me and I think to myself "How am I going to get thru each and every never ending day?"

In a little less than 5 months I will turn 38.

38!!!!! *sigh*

38 seems to be coming so fast...I don't want it to come yet...I am not ready...I wanted to be a mother before I turned 38.

Yet, this day seems to be looming in front of me...I look at the clock and I swear to you it seems as if the minute hand isn't moving. Like time is standing still!

I used to have dreams of trying to run really fast to get away from something but it was near impossible to get moving.

Now I have dreams I am trying to run to something but the road ahead keeps stretching out in front of me and every step I take feels like I have lead weights on my feet.

Did I mention that I will be 38 this year? Oh yeah..I did....38............

How can life feel like it is whizzing by yet taking so long at the same time?

Have you ever felt like that?

I keep myself busy.

My schedule is full but each day, week, month drags with anticipation, wanting, need, and sometimes even desperation.

I laugh. I cry. I get angry. I feel sad. I am happy. I can go thru a range of emotions in about 5 minutes flat.

Yvan will tell you that 5 minutes feels like forever!

Time is passing so quickly.

And yet time is passing so slowly.

July?

Really?

I Got Me Some New Marbles!!!!!!

Well, o.k. my amazingly beautiful, talented, funny friend Rachel actually sent me some of hers :)

Now I just have to figure out how to get them in my head!!!

I have to tell you when I brought the mail in the house I was all "What the....?" because the package was making a funny noise.

When I opened it up and saw the marbles and then read the note..well...I laughed my ASS off!!!!

So, I Called and Would You Believe, I Got Answers!

So, I did some calling to our province's Central Office and would you believe it! They called me back and answered all of my questions :D

Basically, they told me that our Provincial Approval does expire after 2 years here where I live...BUT because Ethiopia does not have an expiry time we are good to go...even if a proposal came in for us after the Sept. 11 date they would still give us the referral.

Now, for their own records they will want us to meet with our SW to go over if anything has changed for us over the last 2 years i.e. health, jobs security, our living situation, our marital situation, have we had any children in the last couple of years etc. etc. But we will do that in the fall IF we don't have a referral yet....if we have a referral before then (please let us have a referral by then) then we don't update anything!

Oh and yeah, we went ahead and got Dr's notes already - it is summer and all and Dr's appt. are hard to come by at the best of times.

I think we will go ahead and get C-PICS (local police checks)done too just because I like to be organized like that! (I had 5 copies of our dossier ready for our SW when we first handed it in - she looked at me like 1.) I was a bit whacky 2.) Relieved as she said I saved her 2 hours of work which is why we got our Provincial Approval the same day)

Things have not changed - we still have the same jobs, still live in the same house, have no children (of the human variety that is), are healthy and can you believe that after almost 20 months of waiting and the last oh - 4 months of me sobbing incessantly we are not divorced.

Yahoo for us!

They also told me that they are centralizing all Intercountry Adoption to our capitol city this September. They will now have 2 dedicated SWs who work only on Intercountry Adoption....all stuff will be dealt with in one office and referrals will be emailed, faxed etc if you don't live in the same city. (Please note this could all change - it is the government we are talking about here)

One thing that might not be so good is the application for adoption has gotten longer and more detailed...which is good I suppose since the application we filled out 2 years ago was one double sided page...or bad because once again adoptive parents get put thru the ringer...I see both sides of it.

They were thinking that parents who have been thru Intercountry Adoption wouldn't have to jump thru quite all the hoops as they have been thru it already.

So, feeling better about all of that!

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and support! I really needed to know that my instinct to call and call and call again were right!

You all ROCK!!!

Now, the only other thing remaining to make me truly not worried any more and completely happy is......

Leave Your Control At The Door Please!

"Adoption is not for the feint of heart!"

I have heard this 1000 times and I have probably said it myself to other people 1000 times.

It. Is. True.

Especially as we are into our 20th month of waiting it seems to be ringing even truer.

I wish someone had said to us when we started " Leave your control at the door please!" because than we would have managed our expectations a bit better.

Yvan and I are both used to being "in control" and making our life happen they way we would like it...I don't mean this in a selfish way...we just both have a clear idea of what we want for our life together and we have set a plan/goal in place to make this happen.

When we decide we want to do something, we set the wheels in motion to get it done. Like travelling, or business or our infertility and consequent decision to adopt.

We are both "Make-your-life-want-you-it-to-be" kinda people.

Well, that planning has been thrown for a loop! A huge loopyty-lou of a loop!

We are feeling helpless....I know of no other time in my life when I have felt so completely and utterly like there is nothing I can do to make our situation what we want it to be.

As you all know we are STILL waiting for a referral....and what do you say about this that hasn't already been said.....

It sounds as though we haven't even been matched with a child yet!!!! (please note this is me reading into emails etc. and don't have this as a confirmed fact...I am just guessing and oh-whoa-is me-ing!) Which is frustrating beyond belief and after the frustration leaves..sadness takes hold and then the tears come...I am definitely ready to be crying tears of joy not tears of angst.

Now add to the fact that we our Provincial Approval expiration is looming over our heads. In just over 2 months (Sept.11) our approval will expire.

I have been in touch with the proper authorities...I think...but can't seem to get an answer. Our Independent Practitioner told us we would have to contact our Social Worker, and our Social Worker told us to call our Independent Practitioner. ARRRRGHHH!!!

Our Provincial Approval has nothing to do with our Adoption Agency so they can't answer our questions.

Our SW told us she wasn't sure how this would need to get updated and said she would get back to us...that was 3 weeks ago and we still haven't heard from her. ARRRRGGGHHHH!

I am leery to call/email her because I know how busy she is and I don't what to come across as a whack-a-do but honestly!!!!

PEOPLE.....can someone throw us a frickin' bone here!!!!

I can't sit idly by watching the days tick by knowing our approval could and might expire before we get a referral but no one will tell us what we should do to rectify the situation! If they would tell us we would do it!!

So, we sit control-less over one of the most important aspects of our life...maybe the 20 months of waiting is getting to me....maybe I am panicking for nothing...but yup....our control was definitely left at the door when started this journey...we are just starting to realize how much.

What would you do? Would you keep emailing your SW - would you contact someone higher up?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

A Haiku by Yvan

A Haiku by Yvan

The perfect Haiku
I wrote in my sleep last night
I am no poet

Thank you!

By Yvan

A Haiku by D Dae

Desire, hunger, need
Heartbeat, blood flowing, needing, sucking
A hungry mosquito

By D Dae